| I hate her so much |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|01:39 pm] |
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starting last night I am no longer speaking to my mother I refuse to utter a word to her. Yesterday was friday a day I don't have class at all so I decided to relax, sammy called me and we talked. Well my mother for some reason needed something of me and I didn't hear her the first couple of times, I heard her the last time and came out to see what she wanted, well she started yelling at me thinking I heared her and I didn't and saying how horrible I am how all I do is jack off in my room O.o, and never do anything and how people are always taking me places(yeah people take me to school and work thats it wow really great) and that she won't put up with it anymore and is going to throw me out after that she leaves and goes off with dr.singh(who lives in loveland ohio about and hour from us and she's been having him come down everyday and he's a very busy college professor) to take her out to go shopping again. Well I go to my room and prepare for work-time rolls bye to the end of work- well dad(with mom and the girls in the car) pick me up afterwork to go home, Im very hungry so I decided to make a hot pocket and then take out the trash (cause no one else takes it out if I don't) well while waiting my dad asks me to do the floors, and then says wasn't I asked to do the floors and I said no. Well my mom goes into a fit saying she told me earlier before she left, which I say you were only screaming right then. Well right then she loses it and starts going off on a tantrum I just pick up a book and wait for her to finish for I found theres no point in argueing with her, well she gets pissed at this and tries to hit me with her cruthes which I dodged then she jammed the cruch into my eye(I was wearing my glasses luckily(and lucky they didn't break)) that hurt alot. I don't remember exactly what happened after that other than I threw my book at her ran off my dad trying to stop me and ripping my shirt off my back, and I walking with no shirt in the cold to my grandma's when I finally got there my eye was in so much pain and I was crying. my dad comes over later with my jacket and book and wallet, and says I should appologize to my mom. I will not apologize to that pysco I can't wait till I move out of this place and don't have to put up with them anymore. mew |
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| Mew I feel better |
[Feb. 2nd, 2008|01:45 am] |
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Well I talked to Nikolai and Mishi last night so I feel a bit better :3 thanks guys |
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| mew why do i even bother |
[Feb. 1st, 2008|07:44 pm] |
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except for Mish and Laura who I never get to see or talk to much, I don't anyone else really cares about me, or even reads my journals well I think Nickolai does too, but other than them no one does so to them sorry for this emo-ness of this upcoming post but I need to get it out of my system I love you guys-hugs them-. Now then im really upset anymore I constantly have the urge to cry and yell and other things, I keep having nightmares of people dying horrible deaths entire cities getting destroyed around me but im powerless to stop it. Im so alone anymore, I go to college, and work almost on auto-pilot I don't feel like Im alive anymore. No one calls me much anymore they usally forget or something. No one hangs out with me at all Im always at home by myself if IM not at school or work, once again everyone just says they forget but then I see all theys blogs and what not and stories about people going to events together hanging out at each others houses going on trips or just hanging out to hang out, and its not fair why can't I have that why will no one hang out with me, IM told iM good looking, fun, and what every kind of sweet talk shit but then why does no one ever want to hang out with me or remember to invite me to parties why do i always here about the parties but never get to attend. the only little amount of joy I get is the ever so often call I get from Sammy-chan, but her schedule doesn't match mine so we don't get to talk much and its very painful not to talk to her which isn't fair, I don't know whats wrong, people look at my life and think its great, and IM a great person and I like being me but I just don't like this point in my life I have tons of friends but never get to see anyone or hang out with anyone and its been like that no matter where I go its not fair, I want people to hang out with me I want people to make me happy. I thought I had that once but it was short lived I had a friend who lived near me and hung out with me every so often but then he betrayed me and won't talk to me. I want too....I don't know anymore.....I want to move out but not sure where to anymore.......I want ......Im not ever sure what I want anymore all I know is I think I complaine to much but I don't know how to stop.....I want my positive look on the bright side back but I haven't seen that part of myself in a long time. I don't know anymore whats wrong Im just rambling and its not making me feel better all like I had hoped oh well.....its my problem not anyone elses. And I don't care right now if this is proper grammar or what not ok. |
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| so boreeeeeeeeeeeeed |
[Jan. 28th, 2008|11:31 am] |
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-.- I just finished watching this anime Overman King Gainer and now Im bored its weird having free time, and stranger everyone else is busy now sigh I got complaints about being busy all the time now that Im not everyone else is XD thats so not fair. sigh |
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| Meow, Happy Friday :3 |
[Jan. 25th, 2008|03:10 pm] |
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Hi everyone today I am making a non-emoish post I just felt like posting for the heck of it. Well today I got to sleep in for the first time in a month and not have any worries on my mind. I've noticed though that I rarely have dreams anymore well ones I can remember I know I have them I just can't remember them, and that I've been having nightmares I can't remember either I don't know why. YOu may be wondering if I can't remember my dreams how can I know I've been having alot of nightmares well I know I've been waking up screaming lately and I don't know why it bothered me but last weekend I had a dream that made me feel better. in the dream It seems I somehow got amenesia and couldn't remember the last 7 years of my life but I was at a con and I was hanging out with Laura and somehow it seems that sometime during the 7 years I couldn't remember me and Laura somehow got together and were dating through out the dream she tried to help me regain my memories while we went and enjoyed our usualy con events XD she once again beat me at anime name that tune XD darn you laura and your music knowellegeness or something :3 but yeah oh well today seems to be a good day I in a good mood and i've read over all your latest posts that I have missed. I miss everyone Especially Mishi, Laura, Toni, Mana, Kevin, and Kala, Im really lonely here in kentucky but Im not sad today I feel really good am Im not sure why.-Huggles to everyone :3 I love you all |
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| Another ranting message to the Emo Journal no one reads |
[Jan. 15th, 2008|04:12 pm] |
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:< You know what, Im to nice for my own good, and people seem to take advantage of that alot, and Im way to clingy to people. I don't kow why but I feel really sad right now, IM told lots of people like me and that Im cute, but I don't think thats true, I think people just tolerate me for their own amusement of not being like me. maybe its wrong to think this but no matter who it is no one seems to recognize me ever in their journals even if I was their with them most of the time, some have but only once or so, most just ignore my existence even if I helped them, and then later on they fuck me over.........Im just rambling sorry but I need to write to get out my feelings. But I don't know but anymore I don't feel like going to conventions unless IM owrking there for even if people beg me to go(and IM such a sap I go just to make them happy) and then when I got they hang out with me for a sec then run off and I never see them again......IM mostly alone anymore during cons, crying on the inside, for I don't know why I go I really do like cons but I really want my friends to hang out with me.....I want to make new ones as well but any more I become to shy. I really hated Ohayocon this year, I had a little but not very much fun, and many of my friends hurt me, and made me feel like I was just a nusiance and I have to go now I may write later probally not. I don't knwo whats wrong but oh well no one really cares so I will jsut hide these emotions |
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| to no one in particular, just me big Rant of bitching |
[Dec. 25th, 2007|07:47 pm] |
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No one really reads my posts, but oh well this is a good way to get out my frustration and bitch even if no one is there to listen. Christmas today was the worse one I have ever had, one thing I was feeling really sick last night and then I had to get up early today with my sisters to open presents, which was a fun time. I got a couple shirts and a Razor-I didn't need one I was happy with my crap phone but hey it is nice to have the camera feature) while my sisters got new razors, clothes, lotion and two brand new computers. They bragged about them to me all morning and I personally am not a fan of Vista but they took it as me being jealous of them getting new computers which I don't give a shit I have a computer. Well anyways the Razor I got turns out had a defective back on it, it won't stay on it has slots and the cell has no where for the slots to slide into like my sisters razor does weird huh, well mom bitched at me for showing her the defective part of the phone. And for the rest of the day she bitched about me about my b's and c's and college. but then at my grandmas house my sister started to make fun of me for always being at home in my room while she goes to peoples houses and is never home-I don't have any good friends near me, and the ones who are , usally are working so Im usally alone.) then she complaine how she was home all day the day before, and I got mad and said just be glad you have some people to take you places then my mom bursts in and starts yelling at me saying that Im contaminating me sisters that Im a vegetable, and that I don't care about anything that she's crying about me at school and that anyone I ask will say that my mom only says good things about me, I retaliate for I actually have friends who's mothers work with my mother and they said that all my mom does is bitch about me to their mothers and how she wishes she could trade me in. then she said how she didn't want to ge tthe girls a computer how she is afraid to lose more children to the computer and hopes my sisters don't turn out like me and then I just walked out the door and started walking down the street. I cried for a long time, till my grandpa came and got me, and talked to me a bit, I didn't go back inside i just sat on a rock outside, later a cat came and I petted it, but after a while it bit me and ran off. my sisters are also telling me how they can't wait till I move out and all the things they will do with my room, and the pets they will get. I really hate today, I really need to find a new place to live, I really would like to see if Kala's offer is still available but I doubt it, I think I might have hurt my relationship with her, I hope not I really like her and love being her friend even though theirs no way we can be more for I have Sammy, and Kala likes girls but I really would like if she became one of my best friends she's so much fun to be with and hang out with. |
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| Looking for new place to live and College to go too |
[Dec. 22nd, 2007|12:30 pm] |
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Hello everyone its saki here :3 Im doing pretty well lately except I needs help finding a college, that is affordable for me and far away from home (or help with scholarships so I can go to any college). Im also curious if anyone has room for a roommate in the places I would like to go school at, I don't want to be with strangers and would really like to be with people I know. Well the places Im thining of so far are Kent, OSU, NSU, and Wright state. If you need more info from me or have an idea please send me a message :3 Saki out |
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| My birthday |
[Dec. 11th, 2007|02:31 pm] |
Yay its my birthday Im now 19, :3 thanks to all my friends who wished me a happy birthday and thanks Austin for the 10 dollars to circuit city :3. But I hope my parents have something planned for tonight cause so far they have not said happy birthday at all to me and they have seen me today but I didn't feel like mentioning anything, it really feels weird to have all your friends remember and wish you happy birthday but your parents don't say anything.
well when I got home my mom was busy talking on the phone so we had to wait 20 minutes to blow out my candles and answer my cake, and when everyone did sing there was no enthusiasm, it didn't help that my sister was on the phone with one of her friends while she was wearing a night shit and a towel around her head, and my other sister was still in her dance suit, no one bothered to get a camera and was like why don't you have a camera I do but you'd think they would have gotten one for my birthday but no seems it was an inconvenience to them, the good thing is I got a 20 dollar gift card to the movies and a phone to put in my room. and more friends called my phone to wish me a happy birthday but my family disappointed me, my dad is the only one who wished me a happy birthday outside of the tradition song |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|12:40 am] |
 Dear Santa...
Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In March I bought porn for ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) fawkespotter16 (-10 points). Last Tuesday I got in line at the supermarket at the same time as someone else and I didn't yield (-8 points). Last Saturday I turned nikolain in for spitting (3 points). Last Sunday xxxmannequin and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Last Thursday love_like_dying and I robbed a bank (-50 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-54 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!
Sincerely,
corysaki |
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| Mew fun time |
[Dec. 8th, 2007|03:25 am] |
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:3 well tommorow IM heading down to Tricounty mall for some fun with friends, around 12, if anyone else is stopping by be sure to call or text my cell at 859-391-0365 |
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| Sick |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|02:10 pm] |
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Damn it Im sick today and that really suck.......uggg I feel like shit I guess that all nighter last night was a bad Idea |
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| Birthday Dec 11 |
[Dec. 2nd, 2007|06:39 pm] |
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In 9 days it will be my birthday :3 I wish my friends would come down but I doubt anyone will so it will be another lonely birthday, but I will be 19 this year woot. Im really hoping my plans work out and I can move out of the house soon. :3 |
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| fuck me |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|08:08 pm] |
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Sigh, as some of you know I've been having a very depressing week one disapointment let down after another. And today I think I may have fucked up even more. I usally keep my jealousies and such tucked away, but today I misinterpreted something and I said things I don't remember what but they were hurtful to her and she's not talking to me now.........If I lose Sammy life will no longer have meaning, I will have lost my last strand of hope, I want to hurt myself but I can't because I know sammy would hurt herself if she found out. |
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| I think Im turning emo Again |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|10:31 pm] |
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Sigh I was hoping Youmacon would make me forget my troubles, but things just got worse. and please forgive my horrible posts today) Lately for the first time ever I've felt like cutting myself. Many friends are betraying me and turning there back on me. My dad is losing his job, we have almost no money for christmas, but they won't listen to me when I say use my portion for my sisters. I missed my grandpas funeral cause no one bothered to mention today was his funeral and I feel like shit. I got passed up for a promotion when I really need that money. And more and more Im loney, I barely have anyone to talk to. But things aren't all bad, I want to thank Karasilla, May and Kala for they are the ones who made my bad weekend good they made me forget at moments the problems I was having, even if at times I did feel a little like an intruder and annoyance in there group. |
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| Youmacon away........but not so happy now |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|06:18 am] |
Im leaving for Youmacon now......I should be happy but Im not Im very upset. I just learned that last night my grandpa Jim died, so I am very upset but I have to leave, I made promises and can't back out :< I'll update when I get home.
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| another lazy day |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|11:02 am] |
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Well I finally got my computer working yesterday so I can finally be online longer than a min-dances-. hough the way I fixed it I am told shouldn't have worked but it did, for you theres this orange switch with two settings, one is 160v and the other is 210v it was on 160v which Im told is the only setting its supposed to work on but I switched it to 210v taking a chance at it might working and it did, my computer savy friends don't get it for in all other cases that makes the computer unable to turn on at all oh well it works. Anyways Im glad it works now I can finish some work for my classes tommorow and pull my grades out of the gutter I hate college so much. Well thats about all I feel like writing currently, I miss you all-hugs and kisses for everyone- |
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| Stress and Matsuricon |
[Sep. 10th, 2007|09:39 pm] |
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I had so much fun at matsuricon last weekend it helped with all the stress Im having with school which people probally have more stress then me so I won't complain about it. I need to thank Kala, and Hitchi for making this a really fun con for me. This was also the first con I staffed and I have to say I was very happy I staffed. Well this is all I am writing tonight I will put more detail later when I get all my college work out of the way. |
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| Graduation and shit |
[May. 14th, 2007|07:27 pm] |
Well I remembered my LJ account I had forgotten about it for a while, so now Im going to make a quick update in the 3 min I have.......make that 2 before my break time is over.
Well Next friday the 25th of May I graduate from High school no more torture from that place, and im having a a party the day after, if you are interested in coming send me a message ^^.
Well a couple of weeks ago I was getting harrassed by this new kid from Texas, I don't know why he loved Harrassing me, starring at me, calling me names, and just creeping me out.
Also for some reason, I am having a few mood swings, when ever Im around my Sammy-chan I am Happy, and joyful yet when Im not, Igo form happy to sad, to other emotions. And my Best friend shelby something weird is going on, at times Im happy to be her friends other times its painful, at time I hate her, at time I Love her-as a friend- I don't know why but these things don't happen at different times they seem to meld together. I don't understand it at all. I mean we hang out talk, do things I do with anyone else, but I feel these conflicting thoughts and emotions around her, unlike around my friends where my thoughts are indifferent, and my feelings come out when they are in trouble or when IM around sSammy where Im always Happy, even when we are sad we feel this Happy feeling, yet from Shelby I feel darkness, Sammy I feel light, Im not even sure what Im saying anymore Im just confused, know what I mean people, well I have taken to long and need to get off damn thoughts pouting onto the keyboard and making me take a to long break.
~Love you all~ |
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| Emptyness and fullness |
[Feb. 14th, 2007|10:40 pm] |
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Hmm my heart for the first time in its exitence holds no love no one special, I've lost the only friend who was special as I knew I would. Its not their fault you can't change how you feel, I tried my best to work myself into their heart I got some false messages, but in the end its my fault that Im hurt. =3 but IM young I will eventually find someone to fill the void in my heart whether its a week, an month years or even a few sec wonday I will find the person who I will love and they love me back whole heartedly and would never cheat on me, or use me. Maybe it will be my old friend maybe things will change in their heart in the future but that is a very unlikely possibilty and if it did happen who knows how long it would be for that to happen and would my heart still be with them if their heart did change I do not know for these things are only possibilities, for now all I can do is leave them alone and hope our friendship heals, and that she will be well for no matter how much love I have for anyone of my friends I want to protect them all. To all my friends I love you all very much, I thank you all for putting up with my shit, my heart is empty in Romantic love but in Friendship love it is very full, and is able to contain all possible friendship to infiniety and I should be able to survive on the warmness you all give me and the support you've shown me especially the ones who supported the doomed try at the last girl. She's not a bad person she did nothing wrong, it would be wrong to say say she is just for not returning a young mans feelings its just how things go and I accept them. Im not giving up excactly there still hope but that is only for them to decide, my move is over. =3 I still love them as a friend and hope they will stay as my friend. sorry for the all over the place journal entry. |
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